On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
