so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
