How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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