So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my liver is dry heaving
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
