it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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