if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
