i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
