why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
