he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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