we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
