4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
