I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize