if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And then he peed in my hair
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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