i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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