someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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