____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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