Please, let me fuck your mom
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
