You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize