What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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