He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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