I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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