i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize