I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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