Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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