Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
