White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize