All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
