I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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