can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
