is your mom at the bar?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
