my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
