im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
