If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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