Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
