he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize