An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
