He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
