I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My pussy is not your playground.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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