Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
