You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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