M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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