whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
