I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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