Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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