Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize