"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize