do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
