Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
