I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
