omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize