Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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