i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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