Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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