Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
