I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
