As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
