No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
