So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
