I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
BRING THE BAGELS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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