You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize