mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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