Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
