guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
