you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
