Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
