He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
