everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
did i just pee glitter
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
