i need an iv and a liver transplant
I intend to get homeless drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
