I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
COCAINE IS GR8
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
