dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
