sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
