I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
